HAVING A BABY IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY

New territories

When I was 6 months pregnant I not only moved houses, I moved to a different country. It was all quite unexpected. Leaving my Shoreditch flat, I packed my bags (and many, many boxes) and flew north, to Norway…to the snow, and pine forests and the startlingly fresh air.

Not only was I waving goodbye to London and England, I was waving goodbye to the British medical system (to which I was so familiar, being a doctor’s daughter and a midwife’s daughter), and, for the time being, waving goodbye to my (beloved) English language.

It seemed as though I was facing what might be the most daunting experience of my life.

Obviously, this whole situation throws up a million ‘how does one cope with…?’ questions. But today, I’ll just be writing about my experience of, and the advice that came from, giving birth in a foreign country.

* * * 

‘Kontroll’ is the Norwegian word for ‘check-up’. It was one of the first words I learnt on my journey through the Norwegian health system. ‘Kontroll’, I thought, was a slightly unsettling word for someone in my situation.

Lost control, and lost-in-translation. That’s how it all seemed at the beginning, and those feelings were probably the most difficult thing about giving birth in a foreign place. It was good to have a Norwegian-English speaker (my bf) at the appointments with me, although the nurse spoke almost perfect English. 

I had been having check-ups in England and had already developed expectations from those. I didn't know if I'd have the same tests or check-ups, and I was worried that I would get to hospital and have something unfamiliar and unexpected thrust upon me. So I tried to ask as many questions as possible, even about the simplest things, just to get an idea of how things were done over here. Whilst there were differences, it actually turned out that there were many things I preferred in the Norwegian system. They were very keen on trying to encourage natural birth, and were on my side when it came to my wish not to be induced at day 11.

Whilst I needed to manage my homeland expectations, that’s not to say that they weren’t useful in some way. In the Norwegian health centre, they loaded me up with leaflets, all of them in Norwegian, and none of which I understood at the time. Luckily I also had a folder of all the stuff I was given in England. Getting hold of English resources (NHS guides, books, magazines) helps you to learn about what to expect. You could ask a friend back home to send you these things, or contact your old doctor directly.

As it got closer to due date, I was invited on a tour of the maternity wing at the hospital. This helped to familiarise me with everything there. The tour was in Norwegian, but I had my boyfriend/translator with me. Even though it was useful, I still had a few niggling doubts at the back of my mind. 

Forest for miles and miles (hospital view)

Afterwards, I went to the midwife office, and asked if I could meet up with the water-birth midwife (they have to be specifically trained so there were only 2 in the hospital) and I did so a few days later. I had written out a simple birth plan in English and Norwegian and I wanted to discuss if it was all ok with her. She was an older lady, experienced, and mostly spoke Norwegian. I seemed to understand what she was saying and I think it’s because we just clicked on an intuitive level. She offered that I pop back the next day and she do acupuncture – it was almost like being in a spa, and I’m pretty sure that you can’t get acupuncture so readily on the English NHS. So I was very open to trying new things! Fate would have it that she happened to be on duty when I turned up to have Lyra, and delivered her.  

When it came to the birth itself, I didn't even notice that the language being spoken around me was foreign. My birth plan had to go out of the window at one point, and when this happened I called my dad (who's a doctor and has worked as an obstetrician) in England and asked him if I should let them do it, and he just said to me 'you have to trust whatever they're telling you', and from then on I did. 

So, my advice for giving birth in a foreign country:

1. Take a translator to your appointments (partner, friend, in-law)
2. Ask questions to familiarise yourself with the new system
3. Get hold of homeland resources (NHS guides, books, magazines)
4. Go to visit the maternity wing if you plan to give birth in a hospital
5. Organise to meet up and speak with a midwife a while before giving birth, and ask her all of the questions you have
6. Write out your birth plan as simply as possible, in both languages, and discuss with a midwife
7. Be open to new things, and make it a task to discover something new and better
8. Trust the midwives who are with you during the birth

THE BEST THINGS ABOUT BIRTH

Whilst there is so much information out there about childbirth, you barely ever see anything about the good side of it. So I thought I'd do a little post about the best bits, and in no particular order, here they are...

~ The last trimester of pregnancy is finally over! You feel immediate physical relief after the birth. You can breathe comfortably again, lie on your back without feeling like you’re being suffocated, lie on your side without feeling like your muscles are stretched to breaking point and your bruised ribs are finally free from being kicked every five minutes. You’re free! At this point you know you’re at the beginning of having your body back, as yours. I had the best nights sleep ever the night after having Lyra.

~ Whilst commonplace, birth is still one of the most awe-inspiring things on earth, and you get to experience it first-hand. There are 4 babies born every second, so just imagine yourself as part of that worldwide female strength.

~ It doesn’t have to be painful. You can do it how you want to do it these days. If you want medical relief (which can be amazing) you can have it! If you think you’ll want something like an epidural, plan it with your midwife beforehand. And if you’re scared of the epidural itself, don’t be because it’s really not that bad. There are also ways to have a comfortable natural labour without medicine, like HypnoBirthing.

~ You will be proud of yourself, and others will be proud of you too.  

~ You finally meet your baby!

HYPNOBIRTHING

It’s really worth having a look at HypnoBirthing when you’re pregnant. When I told people I was reading about it, they’d immediately assume from the name ‘HypnoBirthing’ that it was some sort of hippy dippy fad. But it isn’t as airy fairy as you’d expect. It’s a complete antenatal education and one which is far more truthful and useful than the conventional antenatal classes. In fact, I think it’s probably going to be the future of antenatal courses. Here's an article about it from the Royal College of Midwives Journal.

I can’t talk about the full-package experience of a hypnobirthing practical course, because there were no practitioners in the area that I live in. But I did read the book and practise the techniques taught on the tape at home.

In the end, my labour totally didn’t go to plan, I ended up having a Pitocin drip and an epidural (which was literally my worst nightmare as I have an absolutely awful phobia of needles). But I was pretty calm considering the situation and would do it all over again.

Marie Mongan, the founder of hypnobirthing, goes over the history of childbirth and argues that the ‘pains’ we feel during contractions are, ultimately, because of fears instilled in us over centuries. She constantly drives home the point that this is what our bodies are made to do and that we should embrace the whole experience and see it as something natural rather than medical.

The methods (breathing techniques, visualisations etc.) in hypnobirthing are designed to override the ‘flight or fight’ response your body has when you are scared. When you’re scared, blood rushes to your vital organs and away from the uterus, where it is needed, and the breathing exercises Mongan teaches help to stop this from happening, helping you to have a more comfortable time.

If you're worried about giving birth you need to read this book!

One example is the breathing you’re supposed to do whilst having a contraction. Breathe in for 20 seconds using your stomach, and then breathe out for 20 seconds using your stomach – physiologically this helps the contraction along, and psychologically tells your brain that you are not scared. I found that it really worked and the midwives were super impressed!

Obviously I'm only scraping the surface of what HypnoBirthing is like, so here are some resources for you to look at:

Website UK

Website US

The book on Amazon

The hypnobirthing CD online stream

And here's a video of Jessica Alba on The Ellen DeGeneres Show talking about her pregnancy and HypnoBirthing experience

VITAMIN ZZZzzzzz

It's difficult to sleep during pregnancy, especially during the last trimester. There are foods that can help aid sleep though, and they all have the extra benefit of providing nutrients for your baby. Try these:

Drink...

- Milk. It contains tryptophan (an amino acid which is a ‘sleep aid’). It also contains the sleep-inducing nutrient calcium, which is effective in stress reduction and the stabilization of nerve fibers, including those in the brain.

- Hot chocolate, made with cacao powder . Cacao contains both the natural tranquilizers tryptophan and magnesium. Magnesium is also important for your baby as it helps to prevent poor foetal growth and even preeclampsia.  

Eat...

- Almonds, which contain magnesium to promote muscle relaxation. Almonds also supply your body with a protein that can help maintain blood sugar levels while sleeping.

- A banana. Once again full of magnesium and potassium, which help to relax muscles (they're also good following exercise). They also contain tryptophan, which converts to serotonin and melatonin, the brain’s key calming hormones

MORNING SICKNESS

I love food, but when I was pregnant I became a picky eater. In the first trimester, I only wanted to eat children's food and felt constantly nauseous. The break through came when my Mum told me that morning sickness is caused by a combination of hormones and low blood-sugar, and that I should eat, in bed, before I did anything. Snacking on carbohydrates like crackers and drinking fluids (not too sugary) really helped.

It's the last thing you want to do, but it really works to eat through the nausea  Try not to fall asleep afterwards, because that will make it worse. Here are some ideas to remedy morning sickness:

Drink...

- Ginger tea

- Ginger cordial with carbonated water

- Fruit juice diluted with water

Eat...

- Brown toast with jam

- Fortified cereal, dry or with milk

- Crackers (salty ones)
- Pepparkakor! (see my recipe here)

A FEW OF MY FAVOURITE THINGS

There are hundreds of what-to-buy sites out there listing everything from toy organisers to video monitors as essential. Whilst there were a few pretty outfits I did 'invest' in (actually turns out to be the complete opposite of 'invest' when your baby grows out of something within a week), I always thought that, to a degree, baby shops and websites take advantage of irrational mums-to-be. Most of these 'must-haves' you can make do without. 

That's not to say that you shouldn't enjoy buying a few luxuries. Like I did, most mum's figure it all out along the way. For example, I now only have 5 baby grows, whereas when Lyra was born I had about 20. Also remember that you're not working to a strict deadline, so if you realise you need something after your baby is born, just get someone to pop to the shops to get it for you. 

So I'm going to list a few things that, whilst not 'essential', I found handy.

Baby Bouncer

A bouncer to comfort your baby

I know these can be controversial, but they are a god-send. The more reclined, cocooning and cushioned chairs are the best ones for newborn babies up until about 4 months - I think it must remind them of being in the womb. Most of them have music and a vibrate function, which really help to get the baby off to sleep. They're great because they just give you that extra bit of help in establishing a sleep routine, and if you don't have family or your other half around that much, they can be great when you just need a bit of a break from carrying him/her. This Bright Starts Cradling Bouncer looks very cosy!

Kari Me

Fast asleep

The Kari Me is a stretchy cotton sling which can hold your baby from birth to 3 years old. It's much easier to carry around than the more structured baby carriers, and it keeps your baby close which is comforting for them. I also have a back problem, but the Kari Me hasn't cause any problems at all. The first time I used it I needed to get some work done and Lyra wouldn't stop crying, but as soon as I wrapped her up in it, she fell asleep. It's just one big piece of material, so you can fold it up in your bag and also use it for breastfeeding if you want to be discreet. 

Room thermometer

Pretty and safe!

This was always one of those things in the baby shops that I walked past and never gave a second thought to. But when I saw this blue flower room thermometer, I thought what-the-hell, it's too pretty not to buy. I've actually found it helpful. I have a tendency to think my baby is at the same temperature as me, so this puts my mind at rest if I'm worried. It's recommended that baby's should sleep in a room that is somewhere between 16 degrees C and 20 degrees C. I normally have the room at 18, and she sleeps through the night. 

Rose Quartz

In no way 'essential', but lovely nevertheless

One of the gifts my mother-in-law gave to me after Lyra was born were these gigantic, glittering crystals. She said that I should place the rose quartz near the cot, and that it supposedly helps the baby to sleep. Rose quartz is the love stone and is thought to strengthen the bond between mother and newborn. I have it on the windowsill behind Lyra's bed so that sunlight comes through, and Lyra sleeps all night and is a calm baby! Whether you believe in the affects or not, its always nice to have beautiful gems around the place. 

Top and Tail Bowl

A good solution for the morning

My mum recommended I get one of these 'top and tail bowls', and they're really not too expensive, so it was definitely worth a buy. You use them to wash the baby without giving them a full bath. You use the middle section for cotton wool, and put soapy water in one side, to wash baby's bottom, and clear water in the other side to wash baby's face. It just makes the whole thing a lot simpler!

Cot Mobile

Hovering elephants

After Lyra was born, I realised that it might be nice to have something hanging above her bed, so that she had something to gaze at in the morning when she woke. Most of the mobiles on the market are either totally bland or totally trailer-trash. But I found this cute wooden elephant mobile in John Lewis, and she absolutely loves watching them gliding through the air. They're bright and fun, and the elephant's bodies contrast with the ears, something that newborn babies would be able to see. 

Voksi Pose

Pick up a penguin

These 'Voksi Pose' (grow-bags) are made from totally natural materials like silk, wool and down which all have thermal properties. They keep the baby so cosy and warm whether you use it in the pram, as a play mat or in the cot. Where I live in Norway is extremely cold, so Lyra sleeps in hers, and it seems to help regulate her temperature during the night. We also take it with us when we go to visit the farms, where it can drop to -20! It's a very handy thing! I've learnt from being in Norway that weather should never stop you from being outside, and the Voksi Scandinavian design is testament to that. They also have really pretty colours and patterns. I have the penguins. 

IS BREAST BEST?

I'm planning on writing a post about breastfeeding, but in the mean time, this documentary is worth watching. Cherry Healey speaks to lots of different women about breast feeding vs. bottle feeding: